This was a question asked of me yesterday.
Let me explain.
I've been absent from my own life for two days now. I've been away in my cave, mulling over some things, planning some things, making sense of some stuff and just generally being everywhere but present in my own life.
That's how I roll sometimes.
I'm lucky to have Wendy, my wife, who knows when I'm absent and leaves me to it.
I try my best not to snap but sometimes I do. Sorry.
When I'm like this I pretty much just fuck off and do things on my own.
I've been thinking a lot about the book, the web site and all the things Wendy and I contribute to financially or otherwise in an effort to make the world, or at least a small part of it, a better place.
I've been thinking a lot about Brett, his suicide and everything that's happened to get me to where I am in my life.
None of this has been with any grand plan I've been working toward, it's just been my train of thought. In saying that, I have been planning in my mind the content of the series of short videos I'm going to do do soon.
I'm struggling a bit with how hard to go in because frankly, I think it's time the slumbering masses were awoken with a jolt.
I need to figure out how hard the initial jolt needs to be.
Yesterday, we had a visit from a local fella who's done some work around our place and the conversation drifted onto the fact that my book is in the local bookshop.
It went like this:
'Yes, the book I wrote about my brother's suicide'.
'YOU'VE' written a book?'
Right here I felt like asking how come that was such a big surprise but I didn't.
'Yes, I've written and self published a book about my brothers suicide and our journey through the aftermath, all self funded'.
There was a period of silence before this question came at me.
'What will you do with all the money?'
I responded by telling him that should we ever recover the cost of producing the book, which is unlikely, any excess would be poured back into suicide prevention or assisting other people on their journey through the aftermath.
Let me be clear.
There is NO money.
There might never be any money and that's OK, none of this is about money.
The only money there is has been spent by Wendy and I (from our own pockets) to do the things we've done, the production of the book included.
I've never asked anyone for a cent.
I don't like crowd funding, I have my reasons and I don't have to justify them.
I'm not part of any charity or charitable trust, nor do I want to be.
Wendy and I contribute heavily to several different areas of suicide prevention, awareness and mental well being initiatives. Things that we believe in.
We will continue to do this.
I will never contribute to any charity that has a full time crowd funding page in operation or constantly asks for donations and then doesn't engage with anyone who dares to think differently than they do.
I'm the guy who donates to things I believe in.
I'm not the guy with his hand out asking for donations.
Real, invisible suicide prevention is free.
It costs nothing to be a decent human being.
If the world suddenly became perfect and all mental health issues were under control, services functioned properly and suicide no longer existed, I would still have an income.
I'm not in it for the money.